Into the Doldrums: Early semester blues

I’ve officially hit the plateau in the semester where I’m raring for some kind of break.  That fact that I’m not doing as well as I want to on some of my course just compounds this feeling.

I keeping asking myself the same question, “Is it worth it?  Do I really want this?”  Going for a computer science bachelor’s degree is no joke, and some of my gen eds are kicking my ass.  Like Pre-calculus.  I haven’t this bad in a math class since my freshman year of high school.

Working with computers was so easy in high school, but then again, I was only messing around with the physical components, and less with the programming interface.  I could use programs, now I’m working through the building blocks of making programs.

So is it worth it?  The hours of feeling like beating my head against the wall because I don’t really feel like I’m accomplishing anything in my current state.  But the end result is worth it.  And I’m tired of feeling like a failure, or a quitter.  The two things that I accomplished, graduating high school, and being discharged from the army with full benefits, I managed by the skin of my teeth, emotionally, mentally, and in the army’s case, physically.

I’m tired.  Tired of taking the easy way out, of accomplishing nothing.  I want to do so much, but feel I can do so little.  So I stay on the hard path, through the sweat and tears, the frustration and pain, to accomplish what I want.

I’m going to hold on, and try my damnedest not to let go.

It’s worth it.

My Favorite Music

Playlist!

I tend to have a very eclectic mix of music that I listen to on my mp3 player, and have multiple playlists on various internet radio stations.

Sometimes during the day, I’ll have a music craving, and there might be a specific genre or artist or song that I want to listen to, or if I’ve found something new that I want to explore.

My varying taste tend to run towards where I am, who I am around, or what my mood is.

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Writing a Book – A Wannabe Novelist

I have not only started on one, I’ve been working on one for several years now, and am currently in the process of rewriting. It is the first book in the series, because I could never just write one book, and I have too many characters stories that I want to tell in order to stop at one book.

It started out as a short story project for my freshman English class in high school, and kind of exploded from there. If I can ever finish, I’ll be happy.

It was to help me fill the void when Buffy and the X-Files went off the air, and I had hoped it would be the next Harry Potter, but alas my muse refuses to speak to me. So I’m not sure if I’ll ever finish

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