Into the Doldrums: Early semester blues

I’ve officially hit the plateau in the semester where I’m raring for some kind of break.  That fact that I’m not doing as well as I want to on some of my course just compounds this feeling.

I keeping asking myself the same question, “Is it worth it?  Do I really want this?”  Going for a computer science bachelor’s degree is no joke, and some of my gen eds are kicking my ass.  Like Pre-calculus.  I haven’t this bad in a math class since my freshman year of high school.

Working with computers was so easy in high school, but then again, I was only messing around with the physical components, and less with the programming interface.  I could use programs, now I’m working through the building blocks of making programs.

So is it worth it?  The hours of feeling like beating my head against the wall because I don’t really feel like I’m accomplishing anything in my current state.  But the end result is worth it.  And I’m tired of feeling like a failure, or a quitter.  The two things that I accomplished, graduating high school, and being discharged from the army with full benefits, I managed by the skin of my teeth, emotionally, mentally, and in the army’s case, physically.

I’m tired.  Tired of taking the easy way out, of accomplishing nothing.  I want to do so much, but feel I can do so little.  So I stay on the hard path, through the sweat and tears, the frustration and pain, to accomplish what I want.

I’m going to hold on, and try my damnedest not to let go.

It’s worth it.

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