I’ve officially hit the plateau in the semester where I’m raring for some kind of break. That fact that I’m not doing as well as I want to on some of my course just compounds this feeling.
I keeping asking myself the same question, “Is it worth it? Do I really want this?” Going for a computer science bachelor’s degree is no joke, and some of my gen eds are kicking my ass. Like Pre-calculus. I haven’t this bad in a math class since my freshman year of high school.
Working with computers was so easy in high school, but then again, I was only messing around with the physical components, and less with the programming interface. I could use programs, now I’m working through the building blocks of making programs.
So is it worth it? The hours of feeling like beating my head against the wall because I don’t really feel like I’m accomplishing anything in my current state. But the end result is worth it. And I’m tired of feeling like a failure, or a quitter. The two things that I accomplished, graduating high school, and being discharged from the army with full benefits, I managed by the skin of my teeth, emotionally, mentally, and in the army’s case, physically.
I’m tired. Tired of taking the easy way out, of accomplishing nothing. I want to do so much, but feel I can do so little. So I stay on the hard path, through the sweat and tears, the frustration and pain, to accomplish what I want.
I’m going to hold on, and try my damnedest not to let go.
It’s worth it.