As the wind up begins, getting ready for final exams, I thought I’d take some time out to reflect on the past year. I have to do an essay doing the same thing for English anyway.
Coming to the end of my freshman year, I look back with no small amount of amazement that I’ve come this far. In the beginning, the time seems so long, and yet at the end, the opposite is true. Am I a different person from the beginning of the year? I’ve never been good at gauging the changes within myself, so an outside opinion would be necessary.
I’m not always good with change, even if it is for my benefit, but then again, who is? Every new step is met with trepidation, and the realization that what once was will never be again, and what is coming isn’t approaching at the speed I think it is.
I look back on the year with a sense of accomplishment, acknowledging that I’ve come farther than imagined, and yet I know I still have much farther to go. The question of will I make is one that I’m ignoring, because the real question becomes: do I want to? Do I have what it takes to reach some ambiguous goal that won’t seem real until I’m there? Can I push myself to keep going, and not quit, trying to take the easy way out, because the only one I can depend on to keep me on track is me?
Going back to where I was is not an option. As much as I might think I’ve grown, I’m not sure I’ve grown enough, that I’m in the place I’m supposed to be. But then again, as the saying goes, “You can’t go home again.”