When in Doubt: Nerd Out!

I am a nerd.

I’ve come to the point in my life where I no longer apologize or am embarrassed by the fact that I carry emotional attachments to fictional worlds, whether by the page or the screen. I find it aggravating and condescending that others take my enjoyment in my fandoms as either an insult or unimportant.

And those that are fans of sports, athletic teams, or music artists, are able to proudly able to wear the symbols and emblems of their particular interest without derision or detriment. And yet those like myself, who connect with a book, characters, a fictional existence are assumed to be some sort of basement dwelling, dysfunctional,socially inept creatures to be patted on the head like a errant child that’s covered in something gross.

Let me tell you something about the modern member of a fandom. Some of the pilots, engineers, astronauts that cruise the skies and explore the stars grew up watching “Star Trek” and wanted to make that a world a reality. The tech, the ideals. Science fiction made fact.

Presidents, politicians, athletes growing up, running down to the corner store to pick up the newest copy of their favorite comic book. The Supermen of yesterday’s Halloween are the quarterbacks, drivers, runners of tomorrow.

The “morphin time” mascots become the martial artists of today.

That nerd you made fun of as a child that played with computers could probably rewrite your identity into the biggest criminal in history, or themselves into a digital god. The action figure carrying child becomes the Armed Forces member that fights for your existence.

A fan is a fan is a fan, whether it’s NASCAR, anime, or the Aquabats. So if you are a nerd, a geek, or a dork, flaunt it. So is everyone else: all those people rocking Bulls jerseys, NWA hats, or Monster Truck models, their fandom is not more important than yours, nor yours theirs. Fandom is universal, and historical and enduring.

Instead of focusing on the differences between them, find the common ground. It’s there. All of us are trying to find a unique truth in this world, about the world within ourselves, and the sooner we come together as fans, the faster we can make the changes that make the differences obsolete.

 

Because.

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Why I’m Here: Re-Introduction to the blogging community

I originally started a blog, as an outlet. As a way to express myself with the freedom to be able to voice my opinion. This was a novelty growing up. I also wanted to be able to explore the various fictional worlds I lived, and see who else shared my interest. In a small town, my friends would share a couple at most of my interests.

I want to review. I love reviewing. Delving into the minutia of a fictional world and find my meaning, even if said meaning differed from someone else’s. I love to see what others do when they look at the same thing as me. I love books, movies and TV shows, and as a nerd, if I could capitalize on my near-obsession with certain ones and make a living of that, or become the published author that I also want to be, then that would be a dream come true.

I think that the true reason for my various social media accounts, and this blog was for attention. I’ve spent most of my life feeling invisible, and part of that was deliberate. It was necessary. But I don’t live in fear of monsters anymore, and I feel like anytime I want to step into the sunlight, I get shoved back into the shadows. I want to know that I’m being noticed, that someone sees me. That my voice is heard, and get the confirmation that it matters. Then again, this could become a double edged sword, and my being notice might not work out in my favor.

But living in fear of what could happen as an existence I don’t want to endure anymore. Human beings are evolved to survive, but survival means nothing if there is nothing beyond that. Then it is only a matter of: to be or not to be. And the answer to that question is one we can only hope to answer for ourselves.

Freshman Finale: Year’s End

 

As the wind up begins, getting ready for final exams, I thought I’d take some time out to reflect on the past year.  I have to do an essay doing the same thing for English anyway.

Coming to the end of my freshman year, I look back with no small amount of amazement that I’ve come this far.  In the beginning, the time seems so long, and yet at the end, the opposite is true.  Am I a different person from the beginning of the year?  I’ve never been good at gauging the changes within myself, so an outside opinion would be necessary.

I’m not always good with change, even if it is for my benefit,  but then again, who is?  Every new step is met with trepidation, and the realization that what once was will never be again, and what is coming isn’t approaching at the speed I think it is.

I look back on the year with a sense of accomplishment, acknowledging that I’ve come farther than imagined, and yet I know I still have much farther to go.  The question of will I make is one that I’m ignoring, because the real question becomes: do I want to?  Do I have what it takes to reach some ambiguous goal that won’t seem real until I’m there?  Can I push myself to keep going, and not quit, trying to take the easy way out, because the only one I can depend on to keep me on track is me?

Going back to where I was is not an option.  As much as I might think I’ve grown, I’m not sure I’ve grown enough, that I’m in the place I’m supposed to be.  But then again, as the saying goes, “You can’t go home again.”

 

Do you believe in fate?

 

This was a plinky prompt last week pertaining to this, but I felt this is one better suited here.  I think Plinky is good for quick answers, but I needed to expand on this.

I think that most people are of two minds as to whether or not they believe in it.

On the one hand, there is the hope of a grand plan ofr us, that we aren’t arbitrary and our existence isn’t an accident or fluke.  That we are meant to be more than what we are.  The ancient Greeks believe that their fate was in the hands of three sisters, the Fates who controlled the destiny of all, gods and mortals alike.  There are some that believe in the existence in the Akashic Records, where the history of the world and humanity is stored, and souls write out the journey of their own lives before descend to earth for their births. There is also the possibility that when our lives go horribly wrong at certain turns, we have someone outside of ourselves for which to blame.  It leaves us with a lessened responsibility as to our mistakes and issues.

On the other hand, the thought that someone other than us is in charge of our lives is abhorrent, something that we would refuse to accept, and go out of our way to oppose and rebel against an authority that we cannot contact or reason with.  It has long been in our history to reject those with power over us, dictating our lives for us without our consent or input.  We will not be made slaves of others’ whims, whether or not we know they are there.

So the question remains: do I believe in fate?

As with most things, I’m on the fence.  Control of my own life has long been in issue with me, and now is no different.  But the possibility of being more, of being extraordinary in some way, is something dreams are made of.  Then most of the television and movie entertainment that enraptures us is built on the premise of an old Chinese cure: “May you live interesting lives.”

Into the Arena: the Hunger Games

 

After seeing the review of the book by Geek Crash Course,  I decided to investigate.  As usual, it was a priority to read the book before I went to see the movie.  With not a lot  of downtime between school, work and homework, and the fact that I like my sleep, it took me a bit longer than usual to finish.

As it stands, it’s totally worth it, both reading the book and seeing the movie.

First the Book:

The dystopian dictatorship taking place after a rebellion that engulfed and essentially, destroyed the United States, and probably Canada and Mexico, to the point where the borders have fallen, and the resulting nation of Panem spans North America.  Introduced to the hardship of the average person, we are enthralled with this image of ourselves, that if an uprising of the masses, would not only not fix the problems we have, but make them worse, is a startling, and shuddering realism about the underbelly that exists within our country.  We are forced to face a situation that has not arisen in this country, but is seen in others.

Katniss is a reliable narrator, a 16-year old girl forced to grow up before her time, making her cynical and jaded, past the point of the loss of innocence in the story, essentially taking over as breadwinner and head of household after her father died.  Her journey through the Hunger Games, is both heartening and terrifying, bloody and brutal.  I can’t wait to pick up the other two books.

Second the Movie:

Nicely stylized, but nicely adapted.  The script was nicely cut  to movie format, probably because the author of the book was deeply entrenched with the writing conversion, so there was no Percy Jackson Syndrome here.  The director walked a very fine line between the violence of the book, and the PG-13 rating of the movie, forcing fast cuts, possibly providing some people with motion sickness, due to the constant movement and whipping around in order to not have to focus to closely on the bloodier, more violent deaths in the story.

Overall, still enjoyable and authentic to the source material, but probably not a movie for small children, considering the violence of the plot.  I would definitely go see it again, But I would still recommend reading the book first, as there were things cut from the movie that might leave viewers a little confused.

Into the Doldrums: Early semester blues

I’ve officially hit the plateau in the semester where I’m raring for some kind of break.  That fact that I’m not doing as well as I want to on some of my course just compounds this feeling.

I keeping asking myself the same question, “Is it worth it?  Do I really want this?”  Going for a computer science bachelor’s degree is no joke, and some of my gen eds are kicking my ass.  Like Pre-calculus.  I haven’t this bad in a math class since my freshman year of high school.

Working with computers was so easy in high school, but then again, I was only messing around with the physical components, and less with the programming interface.  I could use programs, now I’m working through the building blocks of making programs.

So is it worth it?  The hours of feeling like beating my head against the wall because I don’t really feel like I’m accomplishing anything in my current state.  But the end result is worth it.  And I’m tired of feeling like a failure, or a quitter.  The two things that I accomplished, graduating high school, and being discharged from the army with full benefits, I managed by the skin of my teeth, emotionally, mentally, and in the army’s case, physically.

I’m tired.  Tired of taking the easy way out, of accomplishing nothing.  I want to do so much, but feel I can do so little.  So I stay on the hard path, through the sweat and tears, the frustration and pain, to accomplish what I want.

I’m going to hold on, and try my damnedest not to let go.

It’s worth it.

My Favorite Music

Playlist!

I tend to have a very eclectic mix of music that I listen to on my mp3 player, and have multiple playlists on various internet radio stations.

Sometimes during the day, I’ll have a music craving, and there might be a specific genre or artist or song that I want to listen to, or if I’ve found something new that I want to explore.

My varying taste tend to run towards where I am, who I am around, or what my mood is.

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